Océane (@oceane)

@mekkaokereke@hachyderm.io

1y

This November is extra weird. Without a shred of self-awareness, a lot of people are about to go from:

* Getting on social media to blame Black men for Trump winning the election

* Going home to eat Thanksgiving dinner with their family, most of whom are Trump voters🤡

* Getting back online to despair about "Whatever shall we do now?" And "Something must be done!" And "Why did men do this to us?" And "Why didn't Black women save us?" And "What's up with Latino men?"

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mekka okereke

@mekkaokereke@hachyderm.io

1y

You want to fight fascism, but the call is literally coming from inside the house. Not a figurative house. A real house. Your house.

Trust me, I do understand that some families are tough, and confronting your family is challenging. I get it. Sincerely I do. It's difficult. I'm not asking you to fight.

But don't pretend that you don't know who's voting for Trump, and don't you dare pretend that Black strangers that you've never helped, didn't do enough to protect you from your own family.

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mekka okereke

@mekkaokereke@hachyderm.io

1y

Jesse Watters is the Fox News host that says nonsense like "men shouldn't eat ice cream in public." His mom is not a Trump voter. She is deeply disappointed in him, but tries to love him. He makes a joke out of reading her disappointed texts on air.

He recently shared on air that he has been uninvited from Thanksgiving dinner this year. She said he can come to the house on Friday, but not on Thursday.

Jesse's mom has taken a bigger step than most fascism enablers are willing to do.

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Mx. Luna Corbden 🪿🐸 @corbden@defcon.social

1y

@mekkaokereke To break this thread down for my fellow whites who are not getting it.

There are two choices:

1. Put constant pressure on your racist loved ones to change, even if it leads to uncomfortable conflicts. (There are ways to learn how to do this more successfully.)

2. If you don't want or can't handle your racist loved ones, then break up with them. (They are probably toxic at you, too, too a lesser degree.)

#3 is not an option: Keep doing whatever you've been doing to keep the peace but allow them to target your fellow human beings without holding them accountable.

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John Refior @jrefior@hachyderm.io

1y

@corbden @mekkaokereke
Does anyone have success stories of #1 to share?

Because I put a couple decades of effort into one of my best friends from college, who claimed he was a Democrat but had some conservative leanings, and today he's a Trump apologist spouting GOP lies, leading evangelical men's groups (apparently white men have no power and are always victims), and protesting CRT in Virginia schools.

I've tried with others too. In my experience, I can only say that #2 works.

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Mx. Luna Corbden 🪿🐸 @corbden@defcon.social

1y

@jrefior @mekkaokereke I'm getting ready to hit the road, so I can't do this topic justice, but I was starting to reach my dad before he died by asking questions. Socratic method, get them to lay out their reasoning and they will see the flaws themselves. Street Epistemology on YouTube shows this method in action, and I think RebelHQ (I haven't watched much of it).

I have been unable to reach my mom, however, and am prepping to cut ties. It will be a pretty great sacrifice in many ways, but also free me from her other toxicities. Her thing is that Satan and socialism are the greatest evils ever in a plot with Democrats. She'd have to give up her religion and entire hope in seeing dad again to see through it, because all these are tightly bound together for her. She's more covert than overt racist.

The other approach is to just keep saying "Yikes!" "That's not acceptable." "Where did you get that idea?" Etc. I personally love, "What do you mean by that?" act dumb and force them to say the quiet part out loud. They really squirm. This is for when you can't convince them, but you can show it is socially unacceptable.

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BeeCycling has moved @beecycling@romancelandia.club

1y

@corbden @jrefior @mekkaokereke Oh I do love to do the last part. When someone makes a bigoted joke, just keep saying you don't get it and can they explain it please?

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Océane @oceane@peculiar.florist

1y

@beecycling No, quite literally the opposite: instead of shaming them in public, you try to address their views privately without triggering their trauma response.

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BeeCycling has moved @beecycling@romancelandia.club

1y

@oceane I'm not their therapist. If they're going to assume I'm a person who would find that shit funny, they're going to learn they were wrong, whoever else is in earshot.

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Océane @oceane@peculiar.florist

1y

@beecycling Sure, but please mind the role of social media in triggering your own trauma responses.

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